12 Dec Let The Idols Fall Where They May…

…And another one bites the dust. In the past few weeks another idol fell from Grace, and their humanness was exposed. Tiger Woods fell from the ranks of the untouchable. Please understand, I don’t say this in any sarcasm or disrespect to Tiger, I say it as an observation on a culture that creates idols out of humans that can only fall from grace.

Whether or not it is the media, our desire for fame and sensationalism, or our tendency to hold people we admire up to unrealistic standards, I see the issues of our fallen idols as much of an issue of our society as I do of the individual who has transgressed.
We live in a culture of extremes: good/bad, right/wrong, strong/weak, win/lose. This all-or-nothing world view has its consequences, because there isn’t much in between the extremes.

We are programmed from very early on to be as good, strong, and right as possible so we can be seen as winners. We also learn to hide the bad, wrong and weak, because we believe that “losers” aren’t worthy of love. But how do we view those who we feel are better than us? Well, either we idolize them or try to destroy them. There usually aren’t in betweens. What options does this leave the person held up to idol status? Do they want to expose their humanness or hide it? Furthermore, when a person has been put in idol status, the human tendency is to believe it.

The Imposter Syndrome

Imposters are all around us, and you would never know it, because they don’t want to be seen in that light. An imposter is someone who has risen to a level of power or status that is higher than they feel they have earned or deserved. I am sure we have all heard the phrase, “Fake it ‘til you make it”. This is a great demonstration of this concept. Almost all imposters feel terrified to be found out, and they feel like they are constantly living a lie. The result can be an incredible amount of stress, and almost a desire to be “found out”. Then the gig is up and the pressure to be perfect is up, but then who will love them?

When do we ever allow our idols to be human, and even if they display humanness, do we explain it away, excuse it, blame others, or kick them to the curb? Did Tiger and all of our other idols ask to be put at that status, or did we put them there? Did he want to excel at golf? Yes, this is what he was programmed to do and what he ultimately chose. He excels at golf. When, in all that time he was on the course, did he learn to do relationships? Should he have learned integrity, values, and morals??? Absolutely. So, why was it that he defied his better judgment??? That answer we may never know, but that is more for our “idols” to figure out. Do you think he felt terrified to be found out? Only he knows.

Imposters have existed for centuries. So why now are so many idols falling? I believe the reason is because we demand more and the media and all of us almost feel that we own our idols and should have the right to know everything about them. The secrets that were kept in the past are no longer kept, and more often then not are sold to the highest bidder. In many ways the ways we go about this lacks integrity, but for our idols, we are demanding integrity. Isn’t this a double standard?

We also have to keep in mind that there are “two sides to every story”, and many times we aren’t even looking for the truth, or either person’s side. We would rather stand in judgment and form our own opinions and make them our truth.

Arrogance, The End of All Empires

If we look at history closely, we will see that the end of almost all empires was arrogance. When we tell people how great they are or treat them as if they are better than us, they can’t help but believe it. The same is true if you tell someone that they are a screw up. This is because in our culture, we have learned to get our power from other people. It starts with our parents and continues from there. We look for approval, love, acceptance, praise, rejection, punishment… We are not taught to believe in ourselves.

What we need to understand is that arrogance is a protective emotion. It is a false sense of “pride” that is often associated with a skill set that we have. What people who use arrogance do is often try to extend their skill set beyond their area of success. For a hypothetical example, Tiger, who is gifted in golf, extends his arrogance to other areas of his life, for example relationships, where may not have the same skill and mastery. He finds that he is lacking in this area of his life, but does not want to admit to this or others. He possibly feels that he is failing in some way and may be avoiding the problem by looking for others to support his ego, thus he engages in relationships with a number of others to disguise insecure aspects of his life. He may believe that the more conquests he has, the better he must be. Isn’t that how life works — at least in the golfing world. The problem is the denial in the weakness and other flaws because our “idol”, and those that idolize them, don’t want to see their humanness.

When we believe that we are better than others, we often develop a sense of entitlement and feel that we are above the rules, laws, morals and values of the culture around us. We believe that we can let the rules slide because we don’t want to believe that they should apply to us. When we idolize someone, we also believe the same things and feel that the rules shouldn’t apply to our idol, so we let things slide.

Seek and Destroy

Over the centuries, there have been so many times that the stars have fallen from the skies, whether they were in politics, music, theater, sports, movies or television. We have to recognize how we put these people in these roles in our lives, and how we all gave them power. Are they responsible for their actions? Absolutely. Are we responsible for ours? Is it difficult to live under the pressure and the microscope, and could that contribute to their problems? Yes. They still have their journey to walk in their life, and so do we.

Some people spend their whole life trying to live under that microscope, because they want to be fed by their worshippers. These individuals are in every corner of our society and it is up to them to understand their need to love this way. By feeding their ego, it only delays their growth.

How many people have to be harmed by our idolatry, curiosity and judgment? In the wake of this Tiger Woods nightmare, people are coming out of the woodwork, no pun intended, to trash an image and the man. It is as if we were all waiting for this to happen and/or feeling betrayed now that it did. We were waiting for the chink in the armor and then have sought to destroy something/someone that many of us created. The way we handle our fallen idols in the press and in ourselves is more an issue of society than anything else.

It is crucial to the growth and evolution of our society that we learn to find our power and belief in ourselves. It is also crucial for our “idols” and ourselves to remember that they are human and so are we. We all have our journeys in life, and we will all have our challenges. Let our fallen idols see the wisdom in healing their wounds. As you judge them, you judge yourself.

Can this exposure of our idols human imperfections be a good thing? Absolutely. As we expect them to live in integrity in all aspects of their lives, we should ask the same thing of ourselves.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…